Written by Tyrone BruinsmaHonorable Mentions: -Amusement [Dir. John Simpson] -Australia [Dir. Baz Luhrmann] -Baby Mama [Dir. Michael McCullers] -Babylon A.D. [Dir. Mathieu Kassovitz] -Bangkok Dangerous [Dir. Pang Brothers] -Day of the Dead [Dir. Steve Miner] -Deception [Dir. Marcel Langenegger] -Delgo [Dir. Marc F. Adler and Jason Maurer] -Diary of the Dead [Dir. George A. Romero] -Dragonlance: Dragons of Autumn Twilight [Dir. Will Meugniot] -Drillbit Taylor [Dir. Steven Brill] -Edges of Darkness [Dir. Blaine Cade and J. Horton] -The Eye [Dir. David Moreau and Xavier Palud] -Four Christmases [Dir. Seth Gordon] -House [Dir. Robby Henson] -Jumper [Dir. Doug Liman] -The Little Panda Fighter [Dir. Michelle Gabriel] -Mamma Mia! [Dir. Phyllida Lloyd] -Max Payne [Dir. John Moore] -Meet the Spartans [Dir. Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer] -Merlin and the War of the Dragons [Dir. Mark Atkins] -Monster [Dir. Eric Forsberg] -Mutant Chronicles [Dir. Simon Hunter] -The Mystical Adventures of Billy Owens [Dir. Mark McNabb] -Never Cry Werewolf [Dir. Brento Spencer] -100 Million BC [Dir. Griff Furst] -One Missed Call [Dir. Eric Valette] -Prom Night [Dir. Nelson McCormick] -Quarantine [Dir. John Erick Dowdle] -Seven Pounds [Dir. Gabriele Muccino] -Sex and the City [Dir. Michael Patrick King] -Shutter [Dir. Masayuki Ochiai] -Space Chimps [Dir. Kirk DeMicco] -The Spirit [Dir. Frank Miller] -Superhero Movie [Dir. Craig Mazin] -Swamp Devil [Dir. David Winning] -Taken [Dir. Pierre Morel] -2012: Doomsday [Dir. Nick Everheart] -Wanted [Dir. Timur Bekmambetov] -The X-Files: I Want to Believe [Dir. Chris Carter] 10. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull [Dir. Steven Spielberg] I never grew up with Indiana Jones myself, but even seeing this film as an 11-year-old for the first time had me somewhat confused. This long-awaited return of the iconic action hero resulted in a very successful film that had fans very upset. Despite the production muscle, cast and crew involved-the film mostly fails to recapture the magic of the series. The opening prologue is far too long and bloated, resulting in the infamous "nuking the fridge" scene and most of what follows until the 3rd act is a series of boring interludes. There's one good chase scene with Indy and his son Mutt, along with a killer ants sequence that's pretty good. But much of the action feels like a cartoon, many of the performances aren't up to par and the overall story just doesn't work. It's a big, dumb, goofy looking action blockbuster sure: but this franchise deserves better. 9. The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor [Dir. Rob Cohen]This sequel 7 years after the lesser The Mummy Returns sees the franchise run out of good ideas despite a new setting. After an interesting prologue that might've made for a more interesting story itself, we then get a boring Indiana Jones rip-off story that only gets interesting when Yetis show up. The returning, and replaced actors are not great, with only the Chinese cast holding their own. The action is the weakest of the trilogy thanks to the lacking talents of Rob Cohen. While the final big battle is kind of fun, it's a disappointment considering the 1999 film remains a classic. The best I can say is that's it's better than the 2017 remake. 8. Quantum of Solace [Dir. Marc Forster]Casino Royale was awesome and so a sequel was greenlit, unfortunately this happened after production and release dates had been set and a writer's strike about to take place. This means the script was rushed, resulting in a weirdly shot modern Bond film. Quantum of Solace is the Bond series attempting to replicate the Paul Greengrass installments of the Bourne series and they failed. The action is shot and edited terrible, with geography and character clarity thrown out of the window. The story, characters and action are forgettable, the tone is too serious. This was Marc Forster's first action film and while he's good at dramas like Monster's Ball, Stay and The Kite Runner-he's still not much of an action specialist. Rule of thumb: don't make your Bond film so boring an 11-year-old me fell asleep to this in the cinema. 7. Twilight [Dir. Catherine Hardwicke] Yes, the infamously and notorious bad film of a 5-year period isn't number one. I think Twilight needs to be discussed in how something was overly hated for the wrong reasons and not picked apart for the right reasons. It's this movie cheesy, teenage girl schlock that pissed off hormonally insecure boys who were jealous at the attention it got? Yes. Does that make this the "worst thing ever"? No. Are there EXTREMELY problematic elements relating to how the film depicts romance, relationships and beyond? Yes. The first Twilight isn't poorly directed so much as had a blue filter that made everything look ugly. The cast is trying their best to make this terrible story work and it's just really silly more than anything. Twilight was just one of many popular things decreed as the death of cinema and was promptly forgotten about after it concluded. Whether you enjoy it in earnest or as a trashy girl focused experience, enjoy it-but I prefer the director's follow up film: Red Riding Hood. 6. The Love Guru [Dir. Marco Schnabel]Unfortunately, this was the film that killed off Mike Meyers' successful track record. This awful comedy might not have been racist as some feared, but it was a jokeless experience full of gross out gags. I'll give praise to director Marco Schnabel for making the film look as impressive as it did, especially in the Bollywood inspired moments. But the barebones story, awful humor and terrible characters make this nigh unwatchable. The only question that should be asked is if this or The Cat in the Hat is a worse film. 5. Far Cry [Dir. Uwe Boll] The same year Ubisoft released the impressive video game Far Cry 2, Uwe Boll released an adaptation of the first Far Cry game and it's terrible. It does everything wrong when it comes to adapting that memorable experience. It gives away the mid-game plot twist in the opening scene, changes the exotic tropical island for the same place Boll shot House of the Dead and doesn't do anything memorable in its runtime. It's pretty much like all the other overly expensive garbage Boll has produced. Terrible writing, action, editing, performance, color grade, no respect for the source material etc etc. Any competent filmmaker could make something functional out of any installment in the series, but Boll is not that. 4. Four Christmases [Dir. Seth Gordon]Four Christmases is a film with a talented cast, a director who has made good work, a solid writing team and an $80 Million dollar budget...and it sucks. I'm honestly amazing that despite the murderer's row of talent this film has, that it has little to no redeeming quality as a comedy. Aside from one subversive bit at the beginning, the rest of the comedy is just cringeworthy and awkward. Vince Vaughn and Reese Witherspoon have no chemistry due to not getting along during production, the entire cast of characters at like abusive or creepy psychopaths and it has no real message or point. It's not bizarre, weird, intentionally offensive or even that unique-it's just a bad comedy that should've been funny. 3. The Happening [Dir. M. Night Shyamalan]Originally, Shyamalan claimed this was an ultra-disturbing movie, but quickly changed his tune once people saw this. The Happening is a horror film that wants to talk about climate change and show mass suicides but ends up being the funniest unintentional comedy of the year. Everything from the deaths to the performances, to the dialogue and the eventual narrative reveal all generate gut busting laughter from anyone who has seen it. Shyamalan's constant "tell don't show" approach, making adults and kids act in opposite natures and his themes being blunt as a brick to the head all showed signs of a filmmaker in decay. While Split and Old show he can still produce good work today-for over a decade he just produced some truly awful films. Also, which Paramount executive saw this and went "Yep, that guy should direct our blockbuster adaptation of The Last Airbender"? 2. Disaster Movie [Dir. Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer]Disaster Movie came out the same year as Meet the Spartans, both garbage "spoofs" by Friedberg and Seltzer, and this one of the worst. For one thing, at least Meet the Spartans was consistent in largely parodying 300 for the majority of its run time (I mostly hate that film for giving Kevin Sorbo screentime). Disaster Movie feels like if you took the worst moments from SNL, South Park, Ren and Stimpy, Family Guy and every other braindead shock comedy and stitched them together. The "main plot" is some horribly told end of world scenario but where the main characters just wander around looking for parodies to perform. If you want to use some math to break down how bad this movie is, there's so many parodies in this film that runs way too long and yet the film doesn't even run 90 minutes. Sequences like the Hannah Montana bashing, Sex & the City bit and a "brief" interlude with Alvin and the Chipmunks run so long its not funny. They just wear out their welcome within minutes by repeating the one or two things they have to say about their subject matter. Bad taste jokes. Check. Poorly dated jokes even then? Check. Racist jokes? Yup. Sexist jokes? Of course. Homophobic and transphobic jokes so bad it makes you forget how long ago and recent this was? Yes. This movie isn't funny, it's a bad comedy with no bite, a dimwitted mean spirit, poor production values and a waste of time + money. How bad is this movie? Kim Kardashian is too good to star in this. Yes. I said it. 1. Fireproof [Dir. Alex Kendrick]Remember when religious films used to be Hollywood Blockbuster spectacles? Ben-Hur, The Ten Commandments and The Last Temptation of Christ? Nowadays, most Christians films are bargain bin dreck that seems to coddle the most fragile and scared of that faith who can't function without being pandered to. They've also become a space where conspiracy theories, right-wing propaganda and fake news can thrive. While Fireproof is not as toxic as God's Not Dead, Last Ounce of Courage or Kirk Cameron's Saving Christmas: their model can be rooted here.
Fireproof is a movie about a Christian Fireman whose relationship with his wife is rocky because of internet porn and who uses pre-written notes to win her back before smashing his computer to cure himself. It's pretty much made for middle-class Christian consumers who want to feel like they can overcome "real issues", but in the most sterilized and effortless way possible. Fireproof just carries a lot of unintentional comedy and subtle hints about the main concerns of life being money, keeping your wife happy on a surface level and believing in God. It just comes off as choir preaching to the audience who needs to hear it least. Also, part of me finds the idea that this film had 1200 volunteers and a professional film crew working below union rates (costing only $500'000), but the film going on to make $30 Million kind of disrespectful. Did the filmmakers give back to the crew, cast or volunteers who made it? Because I'm pretty sure exploiting people's faiths for immense profit isn't something Jesus would approve of. In the end, it'd be a boring "drama" without the religious push and Kirk Cameron never really evolved as an actor. With its religious angle, it just comes off as the cheap Christian propaganda film swill many of us have seen and discarded. I know many have found value in this film and if you have, I'm happy you did. To me however, it's the most value less film of 2008 and as far as I'm concerned, the worst.
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Written by Tyrone BruinsmaHonorable Mentions: -Appaloosa [Dir. Ed Harris] -Be Kind Rewind [Dir. Michel Gondry] -Borderland [Dir. Zev Berman] -The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas [Dir. Mark Herman] -Brothers Bloom [Dir. Rian Johnson] -Burn After Reading [Dir. Coen Brothers] -Changeling [Dir. Clint Eastwood] -Choke [Dir. Clark Gregg] -The Curious Case of Benjamin Button [Dir. David Fincher] -Death Race [Dir. Paul W.S Anderson] -Donkey Punch [Dir. Olly Blackburn] -Doubt [Dir. John Patrick Shanley] -Eden Lake [Dir. James Watkins] -An Empress and the Warriors [Dir. Ching Siu-tung] -Fool's Gold [Dir. Andy Tennant] -Hunger [Dir. Steve McQueen] -The Good, The Bad, The Weird [Dir. Kim Jee-woon] -Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer [Dir. Jon Knautz] -Let the Right One In [Dir. Thomas Alfredson] -Man on Wire [Dir. James Marsh] -Milk [Dir. Gus Van Sant] -Mirrors [Dir. Alexandre Aja] -New Town Killers [Dir. Richard Jobson] -Nothing but the Truth [Dir. Rod Lurie] -The Objective [Dir. Daniel Myrick] -Otto; or, Up with Dead People [Dir. Bruce LaBruce] -Outlander [Dir. Howard McCain] -Outpost [Dir. Steve Barker] -Ponyo [Dir. Hayao Miyasaki] -Punisher: War Zone [Dir. Lexi Alexander] -The Reader [Dir. Stephen Daldry] -Red Cliff (Part One) [Dir. John Woo] -Repo! The Genetic Opera [Dir. Darren Lynn Bousman] -RocknRolla [Dir. Guy Ritchie] -The Ruins [Dir. Carter Smith] -The Sky Crawlers [Dir. Mamoru Oshii] -Speed Racer [Dir. The Wachowskis] -The Square [Dir. Nash Edgerton] -Standard Operating Procedure [Dir. Errol Morris] -The Strangers [Dir. Bryan Bertino] -Synecdoche, New York [Dir. Charlie Kaufman] -10'000 BC. [Dir. Roland Emmerich] -Transsiberian [Dir. Brad Anderson] -Tropic Thunder [Dir. Ben Stiller] -Untraceable [Dir. Gregory Hoblit] -Vantage Point [Dir. Pete Travis] -The Wrestler [Dir. Darren Aronofsky] -You Don’t Mess with the Zohan [Dir. Dennis Dugan] -Zack and Miri Make a Porno [Dir. Kevin Smith] 20. Cloverfield [Dir. Matt Reeves]Taken outside of the mystery box hype (which made some people think this was a secret Voltron movie. No really) and audience disappointment, I think Cloverfield stands on its own as a great found footage monster film. Matt Reeves does better with the found footage format than many veteran directors did (ie. George A Romero), the pacing of the story is pretty damn effective and it works as an excellent horror film. While the solid cast (and TJ Miller) do a good job, the star of the show really was the mostly unseen monster. And while 10 Cloverfield Lane is a better movie, I still think the original holds up. 19. Dying Breed [Dir. Jody Dywer]An Australian answer to The Hills Have Eyes, Wrong Turn and Deliverance, Dying Breed is easily one of the of the best Australian horror films of the 21st century. Touting a great cast, amazing visuals, killer atmosphere and socially conscious themes: it's a film you've probably missed but should immediately seek out. While this era of horror was about to switch for Saw inspired torture porn to found footage and supernatural horror-this still holds up and might even be better today. 18. The Incredible Hulk [Dir. Louis Leterrier]This action-packed reboot of the Marvel character is a blockbuster film a step above many others. Delivering great action sequences, solid performances and an epic conclusion. Edward Norton attempts to give a lot of pathos, while the rest of the cast backs him up admirably. The CGI, cinematography, direction and choreography are great. While the film lacks the creativity of Ang Lee's version and complete character arc Mark Ruffalo had-it's still an awesome ride. 17. Slumdog Millionaire [Dir. Danny Boyle]I won't deny nor reject the response this film received from Indian filmmakers, critics and fans. It's their culture and they'll know it better than anyone outside India. And while at one time, I found this film to be pretentious-I must commend Danny Boyle's energy, visual style and narrative skill in this classical story. Emulating the work of Charles Dickens of a street kid struggling to rise to the top in a challenging world, it cannot be denied that the cast hurl this story forward. It's dark, funny, historically fueled and emotionally engaging. It should still be discussed in context of cultural depiction and appropriation, but I think it still works as an engaging and human story. 16. Rambo [Dir. Sylvester Stallone]18 years after the last Rambo film, Sylvester Stallone brings back the iconic character in easily his best directorial work. Stepping away from any of the prior film's American commentary, the film uses John Rambo to tell a story about a PTSD stricken soldier trying to use his violent skills for good in a modern foreign nation at war. The film's style is a violent mood piece tone poem that evokes Rambo's mental state while also providing another good example of shaky cam, rapid editing action. The film's dark tone, extreme violence and minimalist story allows for what's easily the best Rambo film. And while the nation of Burma/Myanmar criticized the film's depiction of its military as psychopaths; groups fighting against the still violent government have found the film as a piece of anti-government propaganda. So, this might also count as the most important Rambo film, which is impressive considering 2019's Last Blood was catering to paranoid xenophobes. 15. Body of Lies [Dir. Ridley Scott]One the great director's often forgotten films: Ridley Scott's Body of Lies is essentially his version of a war on terror movie and gritty James Bond. Reuniting with Russell Crowe and teaming up with Leonardo DiCaprio, Ridley Scott and company make a thrilling, grounded and action-packed spy thriller with a stellar cast. The action scenes are well done as Ridley is extremely experienced in the genre and the film intentionally works as a companion piece to Scott's earlier film Black Hawk Down. If you're a fan of Black Hawk Down, militaristic thrillers or action films, or even the Modern Warfare installments of the Call of Duty games-I highly recommend this. 14. Frost/Nixon [Dir. Ron Howard]Part of the pantheon of great Nixon/Watergate scandal films including All the President's Men, The Post and Oliver Stone's Nixon-Ron Howard's media focused biopic truly shines. Frank Langella might not be my favorite Nixon (that's still Anthony Hopkins), but he gives a fiery performance nonetheless amongst a perfect cast. The film feels of a kind to Steven Spielberg's Lincoln 4 years later, a film that follows history with the tone/framing of a heist film. This film's climax is legendarily iconic for a reason. 13. In Bruges [Dir. Martin McDonagh]While he's gone on to make an interesting body of work (Good-Banshees of Inisherin. Bad-Three Billboards Outside Ebbing Missouri), Martin McDonagh's masterpiece still remains In Bruges. An existential dark comedy about a part of Irish hitman on a "holiday", In Bruges is a film that aims to examine its characters, politics, Catholic faith, sin, art and morality. It's this perfect amalgamation of a talented cast, perfectly toned dark humor and filmmaking execution. Check it out if you haven't-but you may have as it's become one of the msot popular "underrated" films in 21st century cinema. 12. Tokyo Gore Police [Dir. Yoshihiro Nishimura]Filmed in only 2 weeks, Tokyo Gore Police has more creativity and craft than many Hollywood films with bigger budgets and a year of filming time. This sci-fi action horror with perverse glee in exploring how to mangle and mutate the human body is a horror junior's wild dream. While the director's follow up efforts wouldn't match the lightning in the bottle of this film, it still stands as a great piece of work in its own right and should be seen by those who love Takashi Miike, David Cronenberg and Troma. 11. Kung Fu Panda [Dir. John Stevenson and Mark Osborne]While many dismissed the "Funny fat panda DreamWorks movie" at the sight of the first trailer, Kung Fu Panda stands as probably the best franchise by the animation company. This film has an amazing voice cast giving great performances, amazing action, an awesome villain, lots of humor and a great message. While the second film is better than the original, this film still holds up as an emotionally rich and well animated kids film. 10. Doomsday [Dir. Neil Marshall]Following up from Dog Soldiers and The Descent, Neil Marshall made a junkie exploitation b-movie that combined everything from 28 Days Later, Escape from New York, Aliens and Mad Max into the same awesome flick. The ever-underappreciated Rhona Mitra is a born action star in this film, doing the same work Kate Beckinsale and Milla Jovovich do-but in her own way. While the supporting cast including the late Bob Hoskins, Lee-Anne Liebenberg and Malcolm McDowell help flesh out the world-the star of the show is Neil Marshall in his world building, gory action and perfect execution. This is a must see for all lovers of action, horror, B-Movies and exploitation. 9. WALL E [Dir. Andrew Stanton]In my opinion, this was the last 100% good Pixar movie until Turning Red. WALL E is a great example of sci-fi storytelling, a romantic adventure and anti-pollution message. The largely dialogue-free film engages you on a pure visual level, making it easily one of the most beautiful animated films of the modern era. While it’s been stated ad nauseam, it’s tragic that despite this film and many other’s efforts to reinforce protecting the environment and planet earth - humanity has largely not listened. WALL E is still amazing and one of the best Pixar films ever made. 8. Iron Man [Dir. Jon Favreau] The start of the MCU still remains one of the high points of the series and superhero genre as a whole. Robert Downey Jnr makes his triumphant career recovery with this now iconic take on Tony Stark aka Iron Man in what would become one of the defining heroes of our generation. Jon Favreau and the production team gave us an incredibly well-made film with great effects for the Iron Man suit, some awesome action scenes and a great use of the hero's journey story. The entire cast does a great job, with me only wishing Jeff Bridges could've stuck around more as a series villain. I know the final battle gets some flack, but I still enjoy that aspect. All these years later and Iron Man still holds up. 7. The Midnight Meat Train [Dir. Ryuhei Kitamura]After directing Aragami and Godzilla: Final Wars, Ryuhei Kitamura was brought over to America to adapt this Cliver Barker short story in an incredible fashion. Having only seen the poster, I had something very different in mind for this horror film and was joyously wrong. This movie is honestly one of the most underappreciated horror flicks of the past 20 years, full of violence, intrigue and characterization similar efforts avoid. The final reveal actually repurposes a conspiracy theory for something more grounded and less hyperbolic or racist. It's just an outstanding horror work too many people missed out on. 6. Hellboy 2: The Golden Army [Dir. Guillermo Del Toro]After Del Toro's first Hellboy was a supernatural Lovecraftian superhero action flick, the sequel was more a pure dark fantasy work that I still thoroughly enjoyed. Most of the cast returns and are genuinely wonderful, with Ron Perlman being one of the great comic book casting choices. The new ideas, characters, stories and world building are delightful, with the action scenes more varied than last time. It's just a reminder of how much Guillermo Del Toro is a great genre filmmaker and I wish he was able to make his Hobbit films and At the Mountain of Madness. Special shout out to Seth MacFarlane's amazing vocal performance as Klaus in this film. Hellboy 2 is just an absolute ton of fun to this day. 5. Lake Mungo [Dir. Joel Anderson]Lake Mungo is one of the greatest pieces of horror cinema seen by very few. While YouTubers Ryan Hollinger and Chris Stuckmann have given it a bigger spotlight, it's still one of the more obscure films in the genre. An Australian found footage film about the supposed haunting of a family by their dead daughter existing in photos and video, the film's emotional depths deepen immensely. It's a film much like the original Dark Water from 2002, a horror film less about a supposed ghost-then the emotions by those afflicted. I won't spoil the story, but I make no exaggeration when I say that this might be the best found footage film ever made. Even if you are not a horror or found footage fan, seek this out. 4. The Fall [Dir. Tarsem Singh]The Fall is one of the most visually engaging, cinematically brilliant and awe-inspiring films ever made. The broad, if artistic and violent story is the framework for some truly insane visual creations from the same director who brought us the Cell and Immortals. Just watch it, because words have an inability to describe this masterpiece. 3. Martyrs [Dir. Pascal Laugier]Martyrs is not an easy film to watch. On the surface, it's just a European take on Hostel-but it's much more than that. Part of the "New French Extremity" film movement that hit many parts of Europe, the film is a dark deconstruction of the torture porn genre: even committing to a Lovecraftian/Existential horror conclusion. It's a film that looks at people who try to find joy, meaning or purpose in suffering and tells them: there is none. It's a horror film that's incredibly confronting, well-crafted and hard to watch: but has so much to say. It's just tragic that director Pascal Laugier has yet to make anything close to the quality of this film (and even showing negligence with 2017's Ghosthouse) and the 2015 American remake pleasing no one. 2. The Dark Knight [Dir. Christopher Nolan]While Christopher Nolan's reboot of Batman in 2005 brought the character back to the forefront of cinema: 2008's The Dark Knight would redefine the character and superhero genre forever. A crime drama closer in tone and style to Heat than other comic book films, The Dark Knight is an epic that sees Christian Bale's Batman go up against the late Heath Ledger's Joker. Ledger's performance as the Joker is truly one of the great villain performances that even actors today are afraid to touch, and it's sad that he died so young. The film's use of IMAX cameras gave Nolan his most visually engaging film at that point in his career, the writing and set pieces are iconic and every cast member is perfect. Everyone involved in the production of this film deserves so much praise in bringing to life a modern masterpiece. And while many thought this film would make all other superhero movies redundant, it of course gave the genre more room to grow and evolve in the decades to come. The Dark Knight remains a masterpiece of blockbuster cinema. 1. Waltz with Bashir [Dir. Ari Folman]But the best film of 2008 for me was Waltz with Bashirr, an animated semi-documentary from Israeli filmmaker Ari Folman dealing with his experiences as a soldier during the 1982 Lebanon War. The film is a beautifully animated film that only chooses to show real footage for the poignant end, showcasing a narrative that is powerful, human and deeply tragic. The use of flash animation to replicate the look of rotoscoping makes it one of the most striking animated films alongside Spider-Man: Into the Spiderverse and Redline. This movie left me in silence for about 30 minutes after I first watched it, a haunting and truly human experience thanks to its filmmakers, story, visuals and beautiful music. The dream sequence in this film is one of the greatest moments of visuals and music as storytelling and atmosphere setting. This is a must watch, don't be afraid to let your heart be touched by this one.
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