Written by Tyrone BruinsmaHonorable Mentions -All is Lost [Dir. J. C. Chandor] -Before Midnight [Dir. Richard Linklater] -Blackfish [Dir. Gabriela Cowperthwaite] -Blue is the Warmest Color [Dir. Abdellatif Kechiche] -Dallas Buyers Club [Dir. Jean-Marc Vallee] -The Dance of Reality [Dir. Alejandro Jodorowski] -Despicable Me 2 [Dir. Chris Renaud and Pierre Coffin] -Devil’s Knot [Dir. Atom Egoyan] -Dhoom 3 [Dir. Vijay Krishna Acharya] -The Dirties [Dir. Matt Johnson] -Dragon Ball Z: Battle of Gods [Extended Edition] [Dir. Masahiro Hosoda] -The Dyatlov Pass Incident (Devil's Pass) [Dir. Renny Harlin] -Escape from Tomorrow [Dir. Randy Moore] -Evil Dead [Dir. Fede Alvarez] -Fast and Furious 6 [Dir. Justin Lin] -A Field in England [Dir. Ben Wheatley] -Frankenstein’s Army [Dir. Richard Raaphorst] -Fruitvale Station [Dir. Ryan Coogler] -Gangster Squad [Dir. Ruben Fleischer] -Garden of Words [Dir. Makoto Shinkai] -G.I. Joe: Retaliation (Extended Action Cut) [Dir. Jon M. Chu] -Grand Piano [Dir. Eugenio Mira] -The Great Gatsby [Dir. Baz Luhrman] -The Hunt [Dir. Thomas Vinterberg] -Ida [Dir. Paweł Pawlikowski] -Justice League: The Flashpoint Paradox [Dir. Jay Oliva] -The Lords of Salem [Dir. Rob Zombie] -Lovelace [Dir. Rob Epstein and Jeffrey Friedman] -Mama [Dir. Andy Muschetti] -Maniac [Dir. Franck Khalfoun] -Mr. Go [Dir. Kim Yong-hwa] -Mud [Dir. Jeff Nichols] -Mystery Road [Dir. Ivan Sen] -Now You See Me [Dir. Louis Leterrier] -Oblivion [Dir. Joseph Kosinski] -Oculus [Dir. Mike Flanagan] -Olympus Has Fallen [Dir. Antoine Fuqua] -Paradise: Hope [Dir. Ulrich Seidl] -Patrick [Dir. Mark Hartley] -Pawn Shop Chronicles [Dir. Wayne Kramer] -The Reluctant Fundamentalist [Dir. Mira Nair] -Riddick (Extended Cut) [Dir. David Twohy] -Rush [Dir. Ron Howard] -Stoker [Dir. Park Chan-wook] -The Tale of the Princess Kaguya [Dir. Isao Takahata] -Trance [Dir. Danny Boyle] -Warm Bodies [Dir. Jonathan Levine] -White House Down [Dir. Roland Emmerich] -The Wind Rises [Dir. Hayao Miyazaki] -The Wolverine (Unleashed Extended Edition) [Dir. James Mangold] -World War Z [Dir. Marc Forster] -The World’s End [Dir. Edgar Wright] -Wrong [Dir. Quentin Dupieux] -The Zero Theorem [Dir. Terry Gilliam] 20. Iron Man 3 [Dir. Shane Black]After The Avengers took over the world, it would be considerably hard for any solo sequel to come close to that level of ingenuity. But thanks to Lethal Weapon and The Last Boy Scout scribe Shane Black-Iron Man 3 takes the Robert Downey Jnr solo franchise in a new but welcome direction. A story that covers anxiety and PTSD, terrorism and political responses-the story perfectly suits Iron Man. The inventive action scenes are great, Black and Downey work as a comedic duo (along with another specific actor) and the overall story clows as fairly accurate commentary on 21st century politics. Easily stands as one of the better MCU sequels. 19. The Place Beyond the Pines [Dir. Derek Cianfrance]The Place Beyond the Pines is a very unique little film. It's everything from a heist film to a crime drama, to a coming-of-age story and everything in between. It boasts some of the best talent Hollywood can offer from the acclaimed director of Blue Valentine. Aside from top notch direction, cinematography, performances, editing and writing is a special secret story that plays if you look at specifically how it begins and ends. It's not an epic, but in many respects-it can be life changing. 18. You’re Next [Dir. Adam Wingard]Before he made Godzilla V.S Kong, Adam Wingard and screenwriter Simon Barret made one of the best contemporary slashers in You’re Next. Made for $1 Million dollars, the film surpasses similar home invasion thrillers like The Purge or The Strangers thanks to an evolving story, well written characters and a subversive dark humor. It also has one of the best horror movie heroines of all time, but I won’t spoil why. This is seriously an awesome watch, fun, funny, scary, well made and written-go seek this out. 17. Captain Phillips [Dir. Paul Greengrass]Director Paul Greengass makes his most acclaimed work in this true story about a kidnapped Captain. While not heavy on action; Captain Phillips is an engrossing thriller with great performances, a solid script, killer score and some unforgettable scenes of tension. Tom Hanks gives one of my favorite performances, while the Somalian actors are incredibly underrated here. I hope Greengrass can make something as good as this or The Bourne Ultimatum again. 16. Gravity [Dir. Alfonso Cuarón]A film that’s equal parts an arthouse character drama and CGI blockbuster rollercoaster experience, Gravity really was an experience unlike any other for its time. The visual technology combined with amazing cinematography creates easily one of the best looking films to date. It’s also a masterclass in sound design and score, making you feel like you are in space. But the film ends up being an actor’s showcase with George Clooney being the comic relief and Sandra Bullock given the heavy lead role to shine in. While it might have a contrived moment here are there, but it’s from the genius director of Y Tu Mama Tambien and Children of Men so it’s still amazing. 15. V/H/S/2 [Dir. Simon Barrett, Adam Wingard, Eduardo Sánchez and Gregg Hale, Timo Tjahjanto and Gareth Evans, and Jason Eisener]V/H/S/2 is not only better than its predecessor, but one of the best found footage films ever made. Featuring the talents of Simon Barrett (Writer of You’re Next and The Guest) and Adam Wingard (Director of You’re Next and Godzilla V.S Kong), Eduardo Sánchez and Gregg Hale (Directors of The Blair Witch Project), Timo Tjahjanto (Director of the upcoming Train to Busan remake “The Last Train to New York”) and Gareth Evans (Director The Raid and Raid 2), and Jason Eisener (Director of Hobo with a Shotgun); the film has some of the best talent you could get. All the found footage segments work, showcasing variety and scares a plenty: with each director able to showcase creativity and innovation. Just watch V/H/S/2, it’s amazing. 14. Prisoners [Dir. Denis Villeneuve] The first film mainstream audiences noticed Denis Villeneuve for, Prisoners is easily one of the darkest and nastiest studio thrillers we’ve seen in a while. Two girls go missing and an entire town goes on edge while their family grieves is the set up for an amazingly impactful thriller. The entire cast is amazing, but it’s Hugh Jackman who gets the dynamic role of a broken and angry father. While one could read into it from a political commentary on America, it’s still fully functional as a thriller like The Silence of the Lambs. It’s expertly shot and directed, has a simple yet effective score, amazing acting and a devious story. It might be a difficult watch, but it’s great. 13. Stranger by the Lake [Dir. Alain Guiraudie]This erotic thriller from France is easily one of the best in that undervalued genre in a long time. The story of a strange romance around a “cruising” lake for gay men is a simple, yet very efficient set up for a story of love and death that outpaces many American contemporaries. Its cast is incredible for committing to this story that would be confronting for many actors, though body doubles were used for the un-simulated sex scenes. Very much like Blue Ruin, it’s not a large scale or narratively complex film-but still one of the best 2013 has to offer. 12. 12 Years a Slave [Dir. Steve McQueen]After directing the lowkey dramas Hunger and Shame, director Steve McQueen made a big leap with his first Hollywood film in this slavery epic. By no means an enjoyable or heartwarming story-it is still an important and must-see event film from 2013. Following the real-life story of slave Solomon Northup from his life as a free man to being forced into slavery and all the horrors that come with it. This film shows the cruel absurdity of Americans slavery in its cynical capitalist function that caused people to become frothing mad racist monsters. The performances are outstanding from the cast, whether victim or villain and the film will certainly not leave your mind when you finish. 11. The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug (Extended Cut) [Dir. Peter Jackson]The first Hobbit film in Peter Jackson’s trilogy was a lighter, more fun take on the Tolkien Middle Earth series than we’d seen prior. The sequel The Desolation of Smaug is closer in tone to the original Lord of the Rings trilogy and a superior film. While it contains less individual action beats; action scenes like the Spider-fight, barrel riding dwarves and the entire climax are some of the best in the series. The entire cast really comes into their own: with Richard Armitage, Lee Pace and Benedict Cumberbatch being the stand outs. It’s visually engaging, well paced, contains the right amount of adaptation expansion and yes-the Extended Cut like the entirety of the Hobbit trilogy is the best way to experience it. And let’s not forget that the entire sequence of Bilbo talking to Smaug is one of the best scenes in the entire 6 part franchise. 10. Elysium [Dir. Neil Blomkamp]It’s hard for any filmmaker to follow up a smash directorial debut, and when you’ve made a masterpiece like District 9-making anything close to that would seem impossible. And while Elysium is not the equal of District 9, it’s still one of the best sci-fi action films of the last 10 years. A story about classism in the future that perfectly taps into still modern day concerns like the rights to health care, immigration, xenophobia, mis-treated workers and corrupt government members that doesn’t stop it from benign awesome. Matt Damon is a solid action protagonist, Jodie Foster and Sharlto Copley are excellent villains and the supporting cast liven the world up to be engaging and believable. The action scenes are well crafted, brutally violent in Blomkamp’s distinct way and incredibly inventive. If you want a smart, visually gorgeous film that uses action, CGI and science fiction to tell a real story-look no further. 9. Man of Steel [Dir. Zack Snyder] The merits of Zack Snyder’s contribution and interpretation to the DC universe has been discussed by many (and blindly ranted about by fake Snyder fans), but it all started with this radically different take on Superman. Narratively stemming from Christopher Nolan and David S. Goyer, but visualized by Zack Snyder and his team: Man of Steel is the first time I was ever engaged by the classic hero. The structural framing and pacing might be disjointed for some, but I find it an effective way of capturing the emotions of Clark. Henry Cavill, Russell Crowe, Michael Shannon, Amy Adams and the roster of its impressive supporting cast all do an amazing job to ground the film and carry it for audiences. But Snyder’s gift as a visual and action director is what makes Man of Steel one of my favorites of 2013, finally able to use 21st century CGI and filmmaking techniques to give us the best action scenes to feature the hero in live action. There’s been much lamenting about the film, but none of the complaints bother me and I find the controversial ending still impactful to this day. Man of Steel is still my favorite solo version of the character and I continue to find Snyder’s take on the DC universe one of the most artistically ambitious ever committed to screen. But no, that doesn’t mean his “Snyderverse Cultists” fake fanbase who only appreciate the surface level edgy aesthetics and violence are correct in thinking Marvel is the worst thing ever or that Snyder’s work is above criticism. Snyder is an immensely talented filmmaker and visual artist who deserves respect, but he’s not the only gifted director in the industry today making great superhero films. 8. The Counselor (Extended Cut) [Dir Ridley Scott]At the time, The Counselor was considered one of Ridley Scott’s weakest films - even today, it’s not fondly looked upon or remembered. But having seen his weakest work in 1492: Conquest of Paradise, A Good Year and Robin Hood - I think The Counselor is one of the legendary director’s most unappreciated works. An overtly dark, nasty and near exploitative crime thriller: The Counselor isn't about epic shootouts or MacGuffins or the fetishized crime lifestyle, it’s a tragedy where everything goes wrong in the worst way possible. The cast is one of the best Scott has amassed in his career: Michael Fassbender, Brad Pitt, Cameron Diaz, Javier Bardem and Penelope Cruz are all excellent. Written by Cormac McCarthy, it’s a bleak film more about talking and what people are not truly saying-like a nihilistic take on Shakespearian tragedies. Like I said, it’s dark, nasty and exploitative; and yes one of the best films of 2013. 7. Pain and Gain [Dir. Michael Bay]For years, Michael Bay wanted to make Pain and Gain with Paramount for a long time. But the studio only finally gave him a $22 Million budget for his passion project AFTER his 3 prior Transformers films had made over $2.6 Billion total. Pain and Gain is a masterpiece alongside Bay’s other big passion project Bad Boys 2. It’s a darkly comedic crime film about weight training kidnapping a local businessman to “make America a better place”, but really to get stinking rich. It’s a film that hates nearly everyone in its cast, mocks muscle-head culture and toxic capitalism/American patriotism, is one of the best directed lower budget studio crime films and has a cast fully committed to Bay’s madness. It’s not a pleasant film, but his stellar performances with Mark Wahlberg, Dwayne Johnson and Anthony Mackie being played so against their usual characters in great ways. Violent, bizarre and endlessly watchable-it’s one of Bay’s best films. 6. Snowpiercer [Dir. Bong Joon-ho]A post-apocalyptic action film that has a point to make about class disparity, but this time in a perfectly wound environment and structural pace. Directed by the South Korean genius Bong Joon-ho (The Host, Parasite), the film is one of the best directed action films of recent memory. Its mix of practical and CGI effects are great, the story is told with efficiency and that cast including Chris Evans, Tilda Swinton, Ed Harris and the late John Hurt is up to the task. If you haven’t seen Snowpiercer…GO SEE SNOWPIERCER. 5. Spring Breakers [Dir. Harmony Korine]Harmony Korine is an interesting filmmaker to say the least. Starting out as the writer behind 1995’s Kids before directing films like Gummo, Mister Lonely and Trash Humpers: he finally made a masterpiece in Spring Breakers. What I could effectively call a neon laced Z-grade artwork, the film evokes films like Natural Born Killers or Freeway as something that feels disposable and exploitative at first; but has a point. 4 young women (who watch My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic) rob a chicken fast food joint to fund their Florida Spring Break and engage in debauchery of booze, sex and freedom. Then James Franco enters the picture as a Svangeli manipulator (almost too perfect casting with his history) who encourages the group to become criminals. Things turn wild and crazy, but never making us think this group are good people. It’s about the post-modern dissolution with 21st pop-culture’s teachings and the monsters it can create. Like the similarly themed Pain and Gain, it’s discomforting and disturbing-but an artwork in its own right. 4. Her [Dir. Spike Jonze]A film that examines human nature, emotional development, relationships, humanity's co-existence with technology and the potential evolution of that technology. Here's a sci-fi film that doesn't approach the genre with fanciful imagination or overly cynical nihilism, but from a realistic and human place. Joaquin Phoenix and Scarlett Johansson do great as a human and computer relationship, with every actor (no matter how small) doing an amazing job. It's easily the most emotionally engaging film for me as this film reminds me of my ongoing long-distance relationship-so it's a very personal film for me. Regardless, Spike Jonze's direction and script are amazing and this is a modern sci-fi classic. 3. The Wolf of Wall Street [Dir. Martin Scorsese] Going from a lower budgeted crime film to a $100 Million “excess as cinema” crime film is Martin Scorsese’s The Wolf of Wall Street. So far his most financially successful ever, The Wolf of Wall Street is a masterpiece in storytelling (thanks to some help from Steven Spielberg in the director’s chair for one crucial scene). As a somewhat exaggerated biopic about stock trading fraudster Jordan Belfort, the film contains ample humor, drama, commentary on capitalism, commercialization, financial exploitation and societal norms in equal measure. Leonardo DiCaprio is amazing as a complete scumbag, Jonah Hill has never been better and Margot Robbie set the screen ablaze in this role-guaranteeing her a long and prosperous career. The rest of the cast is brilliant, Scorsese’s direction and use of CGI/Digital replacement is subtle but great, the score and soundtrack fits perfectly, has numerous masterpiece scenes of comedy and it still remains one of the best films of 2010’s. You’ve probably seen it, so give it another watch. And if you haven’t seen it…well go watch it. Oh and avoid the real life Jordan Belfort because he’s doing cryptocurrency “stock tip” garbage schemes. 2. Only God Forgives [Dir. Nicolas Winding Refn]Nicolas Winding Refn and Ryan Gosling create another rich thematic crime story after Drive with the Thai arthouse masterpiece Only God Forgives. On a budget of less than $5 Million, Refn creates a great crime drama with impressive scenes of violence and action, brilliant performance, gorgeous harsh visuals and an underlying narrative like Enemy to unravel. Only God Forgives deals with themes of sex, violence, masculine inadequacy, the concept of forgiveness and who has the right to forgive. Similar to films like A Cure for Wellness and Sucker Punch, the so obvious it’s easy to miss title is part of the key to unlocking the film. It’s an incredibly divisive film to this day, but still one of my favorite pieces of the art that is cinema. 1. Pacific Rim [Dir. Guillermo Del Toro]While present day “film twitter” discusses the merits of Marvel and DC films as mainstream spectacle; everyone’s forgotten that the best looking, sounding epic and perfect blockbuster was made in 2013 by horror and monster specialist Guillermo Del Toro. Pacific Rim has been my favorite film since I first saw it in theaters, evoking my memories of loving Power Rangers and the Transformers cartoons I enjoyed as a child and upgrading that formula to a modern day epic. This film looks amazing from both a practical and CGI effects production perspective, with the only film surpassing it being 2017’s Blade Runner 2049. The cast is the right balance of scene chewing specialists like Ron Perlman and Charlie Day, commanding presence like Idris Elba and emotional weight in the form of Rinko Kikuchi’s revolutionary heroine. The score by Iron Man, Game of Thrones and Warcraft composer Ramin Djawadi is easily his best work in creating goosebumps thrills to the point you wonder why more blockbuster productions don’t hire him.
But yes, this is easily the best version of “Giant Robot V.S Giant Alien” anyone has ever made in a live action project. Inspired by classic mecha anime and traditional artworks, the Robot Yaegers and Alien Kaiju feel like colossal entities with weight and power. This is largely thanks to CGI that took 2 years to create and Del Toro’s design on direction and framing. Its sequel felt too safe and evenly framed, whereas this film puts shots in places so you truly feel small compared to the creations. Every action scene is fun, paced well, visually gorgeous and endlessly rewatchable. Considering Pacific Rim was the project Del Toro made after losing his Hobbit film and Universal rejecting his Tom Cruise lead At the Mountains of Madness adaptation: I’m glad his passion still got put to use. I have to give praise to Legendary Pictures for helping make the modern giant monster trend in Hollywood with Pacific Rim, The Monsterverse, helping produce the first two Jurassic World films and The Great Wall. Pacific Rim is too often forgotten by modern audiences, despite easily being the best Hollywood Blockbuster cinema has to offer. It’s the film that has always given me hope for this realm in cinema, artistry, passion and commitment with a $200 million price tag. It’s my favorite film of 2013 and my favorite film of all time.
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Written by Tyrone BruinsmaDishonorable Mentions -Adoration [Dir. Anne Fontaine] -American Hustle [Dir. David O. Russell] -August: Osage County [Dir. John Wells] -Beneath [Dir. Larry Fessenden] -Brick Mansions [Dir. Camille Delamarre] -The Butler [Dir. Lee Daniels] -Collision (Intersections) [Dir. David Marconi] -Diana [Dir. Oliver Hirschbiegel] -Escape from Planet Earth [Dir. Cal Drunker] -Fateful Findings [Dir. Neill Breen] -47 Ronin [Dir. Carl Rinsch] -Getaway [Dir. Courtney Solomon] -Grown Ups 2 [Dir. Dennis Dugan] -The Host [Dir. Andrew Niccol] -I Spit on Your Grave 2 [Dir. Steven R. Monroe] -InAPPropriate Comedy [Dir. Vince Offer] -Identity Thief [Dir. Seth Gordon] -The Incredible Burt Wonderstone [Dir. Don Scardino] -The Internship [Dir. Shawn Levy] -The Killing Season [Dir. Mark Steven Johnson] -Machete Kills [Dir. Robert Rodriguez] -Megalodon: The Monster Shark Lives [Dir. Doug Glover] -The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones [Dir. Harald Zwart] -Online [Dir. Kevan Otto] -Paranoia [Dir. Robert Luketic] -Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters [Dir. Thor Freudenthal] -Poseidon Rex [Dir. Mark L. Lester] -The Purge [Dir. James DeMonaco] -R.I.P.D [Dir. Robert Schwentke] -Runner Runner [Dir. Brad Furman] -Shame the Devil [Dir. Paul Tanter] -The Smurfs 2 [Dir. Raja Gosnell] -Sox [Dir. Jason Horton] -Star Trek Into Darkness [Dir. JJ Abrams] -A Talking Cat!?! [Dir. David DeCoteau] -Tarzan [Dir. Reinhard Klooss] -Texas Chainsaw 3D [Dir. John Luessenhop] -Thor: The Dark World [Dir. Alan Taylor] -Walking with Dinosaurs [Dir. Neil Nightingale and Barry Cook] -Wer [Dir. William Brent Bell] 10. The Lone Ranger [Dir. Gore Verbinski]After completing the Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy and Rango, Gore Verbinski was roped in on another Disney/Johnny Depp adaptation. Unfortunately, The Lone Ranger is easily Verbinski’s worst film and one of Disney’s biggest failures. While its opening and closing action sequences are decent; the story, tone, characters and attempts at comedy are a garbled mess. It feels very similar to Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland as a big, expensive, sometimes visually engaging mess. Johnny Depp’s rendition of Tonto is unfortunately one of the worst performances he’s given and the now disgraced Armie Hammer gives nothing as our title hero. The part that makes me angriest is how this film got nominated for Best Visual Effects at the Oscars BUT NOT PACIFIC RIM! HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE!? 9. The Canyons [Dir. Paul Schrader] I love the written and directorial work of Paul Schrader, so it was a shame when I felt The Canyons losing me. I will say that the production team made the $250’000 film look like a $5 Million dollar film, so props in that regard. The biggest weakness is the story. This is a very dry, dull and cliché erotic thriller with too much interconnectivity between characters. I will say that Lindsay Lohan gives one of her better performances in recent years, but the rest of the cast is just kind of ok. During the film, I didn’t find the small stature pornstar James Deen intimidating as the creepy and abusive boyfriend…then found out he’s an abuser in real life and now I’m conflicted on how much of his performance was just real. The Canyons is just kind of disappointing, neither carrying the thematic intelligence of Schrader’s best work or the exploitative and pornographic material to be a lurid trashy thriller. It’s just a nonsensical thriller that takes itself far too seriously, though there is one visually experimental sex scene I thought was good. 8. Ender’s Game [Dir. Gavin Hood] Gavin Hood’s second big budget Hollywood outing wasn’t much better than his first with X-Men Origins: Wolverine. Based on the novel by homophobic loser Orsen Scott Card, the film is a really boring sci-fi “action” film where most of the cast is sleep walking. The action scenes are flashy CGI affairs that don’t excite the audience, with there not being many of them in the first place. Many of the interesting ideas, concepts and moments are stripped to bone or left for the never to be made sequel. It does promote some concepts of the inventiveness of a child’s mind and is somewhat an anti-bully film…but it’s so boring. Also, the idea of giving money/attention to a sad angry homophobe is something I detest. 7. A Good Day to Die Hard [Dir. John Moore] The original Die Hard is a classic of cinema, while all its sequels are varying degrees of watchable. But A Good Day to Die Hard is easily the worst film of the series. A horribly directed action film with no memorable sequences, nonsensical character decisions and a boring plot no one cares about. Bruce Willis is far removed from his original John McClane, and none of the supporting characters add anything to the film. It’s got no plot, no characters, no heart and barely counts as an action film. It’s like a series of noises thrown onto your screen. 6. Sharknado [Dir. Anthony C. Ferrante]I have nothing but contempt for this film and its franchise’s success. Sharknado is a stupid movie, lowering the bar for studios in what can be marketed and released as real films. Shark films already had this low reputation as disposable works when not called “Jaws” or “Deep Blue Sea”, but Sharknado said you can make any old semi-self-aware trash and call it a movie. If this film didn't exist, Warner Brothers might not have turned the Deep Blue Sea sequels into a direct to DVD trash fire. The actors don’t care, the VFX are sub-par, the story is…well there is no story and it thinks not putting in effort is something to praise. If you succeed at being cheap and lazy…what did you achieve? I’m just glad films like The Shallows and The Meg (plus its sequel) show you can make a good killer shark film with effort, skilled creators and actually caring. 5. Jack the Giant Slayer [Dir. Bryan Singer]8 years of writing, development, swapped directors and the end result is…terrible. Jack the Giant Slayer doesn’t know what it wants to be. It wants to be a classic Disney film, a Shrek style satire, an epic like Lord of the Rings and has a hint of Games of Thrones edgy darkness. Bouncing from tone to tone doesn’t make for a film that pleases everyone, it just pleases no one. While the cast is trying to do the best with the material, it easily stands as one of the weakest films in everyone's filmography. The VFX work is inconsistent, although most of the practical production values are decent-though that’s largely due to the absurd budget this film didn't deserve. Also, Bryan Singer’s direction is sloppy…but not as bad as the accusations made against him. In the end…just go watch Maleficent. 4. After Earth [Dir. M. Night Shyamalan]After The Last Airbender proved M. Night Shyamalan was not suited for epic blockbusters, Will Smith for some reason hired him to direct this sci-fi action film. The set up for this post-apocalyptic sci-fi action film is needlessly complicated, feeling like something a video game or comic book could’ve tackled better. The original vision by Will Smith as a simple survival thriller would’ve been a far superior film than what we ended up getting. Seriously, this could’ve been an equal to Cast Away or 127 Hours. So much about the film is wrong beyond its convoluted set-up. Will Smith is intentionally written to have his outsized personality removed, and it does not fit as his character comes off as bored when forced to read Shyamalan’s bad expository dialogue. As a vehicle for Jaden Smith (who already proved himself in the Karate Kid remake), it shows that he was not ready to carry a film or story of this scope: trying his hardest to make the sloppy dialogue work when he was at a developmental stage of his life. I will say the CGI effects are better than The Last Airbender, but the action scenes themselves carry very little excitement. It ultimately lacks any narrative impact; with themes and concepts made, and abandoned ad nauseum. At the end of the day, it’s a bad sci-fi film. 3. Movie 43 [Dir. Steven Brill, Peter Farrelly, Will Graham, Steve Carr, Griffin Dunne, James Duffy, Jonathan van Tulleken, Elizabeth Banks, Patrik Forsberg, Brett Ratner, Rusty Cundieff, James Gunn, Bob Odenkirk, Steve Baker, Damon Escott]The legendarily terrible comedy made by far too many talented filmmakers (and Brett Ratner) and actors feels like something that should not exist. Depending on the version you watch, this film is a “comedy” anthology with the framing of either a writer pitching the worst ideas to a producer or some kids trying to find a banned movie. Either way, the “comedy” (and yes, I use that term because they’re not funny) segments are one unfunny joke stretched out ad nauseum. Segments like: Hugh Jackman has balls on his chin, a homeschooled kid is bullied by his parents, a kidnapped leprechaun or a girl gets her period carry no humor. No really, one of the segments is Chloe Grace Moretz getting her period and all the men around her reacting like maniacs. There’s almost surreal humor like a plastic surgery modified Halle Berry with huge breasts or a cartoon cat that wants to have sex with its owner…but this whole movie is a mess. The funniest part of this film…is actually a fake commercial where a shark eats a woman for a tampon commercial. End of the day, it’s a film with too much talent…and is painfully unfunny. 2. Birdemic 2: The Resurrection [Dir. James Nguyen] The first Birdemic was a failure of its delusional director. James thought he was making an epic and instead made an unintentional farce. However, for its sequel: he intentionally tried to make a garbage film by retreading the first film’s structure and plot. If you succeed in making garbage by design…you just made garbage. The sequel is worse than the original as it’s hard to make fun of a film that’s beating you to the punch and poorly so. The acting has only gotten worse aside from one actress who appears to be trying to sabotage the film with improvised lines (respect) and the writing is…still awful. Now instead of JUST a blatant environmental message, there’s also meta-movie commentary and it’s just sad. The only thing that’s better about this film is the quality of the footage. But the audio, acting, writing, direction, VFX, editing and pacing are all still terrible. Sorry James, I don’t think filmmaking is for you. 1. Oldboy [Dir. Spike Lee]Spike Lee is one of America’s best, yet underappreciated directors: having made Do the Right Thing, Malcolm X, 25th Hour, Inside Man, BlacKkKlansman and Da 5 Bloods. And 2003’s Oldboy is one of the best films of the 21st Century, so a great director and story should fit together…but they don’t. The remake was originally going to be handled by future Fast and Furious director Justin Lin back in 2003. But by 2008, Steven Spielberg and Will Smith were attached to direct and star respectively. That arrangement fell through, but screenwriter Mark Protosevich (The Cell, I am Legend) remained. Spike Lee eventually was chosen with a star-studded cast including Josh Brolin, Elizabeth Olsen, Sharlto Copley and Samuel L Jackson. But whether by having no actual interest in the story, or his original 140-minute cut being reduced to 105 minutes by producers: Spike seemed to have no passion for the film or promoting it. So, what happened?
The story was completely messed up, and not in the disturbing way you’d want. While many of the beats of the original remain, they’re poorly repurposed in ways that make no sense in the updated setting. For instance, the original Oldboy is famous for its one-take hallway hammer fighter scene. This American remake poorly copies it, but the reason for that scene’s existence in the original is because South Korea has stricter gun laws than America. So, the attempt to remake the hammer scene is little more than as “remember this scene from that better film?” moment. And the things they do change make the story actively worse. They change the villain’s origins and motivation in some attempt to be shocking, but the execution comes off as unintentionally hilarious: reducing the original villain story from tragic and psychotic into…nonsense. Spike Lee is known for his style, but none of it is on display here. All the directorial flair you’d expect from this creative maverick appears to have been sandblasted off by either disinterest or producer interference. It feels like anyone could’ve made this with a [Insert Director Name Here] credit. The cast is desperately trying their best (especially Elizabeth Olsen and Samuel L Jackson), but they can’t save a script this bad at adapting another film. I don’t know if I should blame the producers, Lee, Protosevich or everyone. It’s truly one of those remakes that’s inferior in every way. Considering how amazing the original is, versus this remake-it’s one of the worst remakes of all time alongside the 2006 Nicolas Cage Wicker Man and Netflix’s 2017 Death Note film. Don't watch this bad remake, it has no value. Just go watch the original Oldboy, it’s seriously one of the best films ever made. |
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