Written by Tyrone BruinsmaHonorable Mentions: -Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans [Dir. Werner Herzog] -Black Dynamite [Dir. Scott Sanders] -Blood Creek [Dir. Joel Schumacher] -The Burrowers [Dir. J. T Petty] -Cell 211 [Dir. Daniel Monzón] -A Christmas Carol [Dir. Robert Zemeckis] -The Collector [Dir. Marcus Dunstan] -Coraline [Dir. Henry Selick] -The Cove [Dir. Louie Psihoyos] -Deadgirl [Dir. Marcel Sarmiento and Gadi Harel] -Dogtooth [Dir. Yorgos Lanthimos] -Down Terrace [Dir. Ben Wheatley] -Drag Me to Hell [Dir. Sam Raimi] -Fantastic Mr. Fox [Dir. Wes Anderson] -Friday the 13th (Extended Cut) [Dir. Marcus Nispel] -Gamer [Dir. Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor] -The House of the Devil [Dir. Ti West] -The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus [Dir. Terry Gilliam] -Jennifer’s Body [Dir. Karyn Kusama] -The Killing Room [Dir. Jonathan Liebesman] -Law Abiding Citizen [Dir. F. Gary Gray] -Macabre [Dir. Mo Brothers] -Mary and Max [Dir. Adam Elliott] -Mother [Dir. Bong Joon-ho] -My Bloody Valentine 3D [Dir. Patrick Lussier] -Orphan [Dir. Jaume Collet-Serra] -Paranormal Entity [Dir. Shane Van Dyke] -A Perfect Getaway [Dir. David Twohy] -The Princess and the Frog [Dir. Ron Clements and John Musker] -Red Cliff (Part Two) [Dir. John Woo] -The Road [Dir. John Hillcoat] -Saw 6 [Dir. Kevin Greutert] -Star Trek [Dir. J.J. Abrams] -Summer Wars [Dir. Mamoru Hosada] -The Taking of Pelham 123 [Dir. Tony Scott] -Terminator Salvation [Dir. McG] -The Tournament [Dir. Scott Mann] -Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen [Dir. Michael Bay] -Trash Humpers [Dir. Harmony Korine] -Triangle [Dir. Christopher Smith] -Wonder Woman [Dir. Lauren Montgomery] -Zombieland [Dir. Ruben Fleischer] 20. Angels and Demons (Extended Edition) [Dir. Ron Howard]Call this my guilty pleasure of 2009, but I found Ron Howard and Tom Hank's sequel to The Da Vinci Code a superior film than their original collaboration. This film has the good sense to be closure in tone to a Se7en style murder mystery with the backdrop of a new Pope on the horizon. The style, scope and pacing are superior to the original - with Hans Zimmer's score being epic and masterful. The cast does well with the cliche material, with Ewan McGregor especially doing well. 19. REC 2 [Dir. Jaume Balagueró and Paco Plaza]A direct follow up to 2007's amazingly scary REC, REC 2 is on the verge of being superior to the original. The film starts with a heavily armed police unit sent into the quarantined apartment complex and a large chunk of this feels ripped straight from a first-person horror shooter. It's tense, scary, the actors are doing a good job and the expansion of the narrative is solid. I will admit the first half is stronger than the second, but It ends on a strong note. I do wish the 3rd and 4th films were as good as this or the original-but the first two still stand as great horror films. 18. Paranormal Activity [Dir. Oren Peli]The hype around Paranormal Activity began in 2007 with this microbudget found footage film taking the world by storm. Ignoring the decreasingly engaging sequels, this film still stands as one of the scariest and most important horror films of the 21st century. It showed that you didn't need a giant budget or Hollywood stars, you just needed to pervert the simple act of sleeping in your own home to be terrifying. While many will debate on which ending of this film is the best, I still think the overall experience holds up and remains a great horror movie in its own right. 17. Public Enemies [Dir. Michael Mann]What happens when you take a film like The Untouchables and execute it like a then late 2000's action film? When directed by Michael Mann, you get an intelligent character focused crime drama with awesome shootouts. I feel after Collateral, Mann's legendary filmography was less appreciated due to people forgetting that he makes drama films with action in them as opposed to action movies. Public Enemies has well written characters performed amazingly by some heavy hitters of the era that happens to be topped off with amazing shootouts executed the same way Mann brought violence and energy to Collateral and Miami Vice. It's far superior to similar modern efforts like Gangster Squad so I recommend checking this out. 16. Pandorum [Dir. Christian Alvart]A spiritual successor to Event Horizon, Pandorum is the kind of risky big money project we don't see enough. The cast is phenomenal in their performances of a psychological thriller in space-with Dennis Quaid too perfectly cast in his role. The story is effective without being simplified, it's gory and action packed and has a great conclusion. It's one of many underrated pieces of Lovecraftian fueled horror that you should seek out. 15. Solomon Kane [Dir. M. J. Bassett]From the director of Deathwatch comes a fantasy action made with the same passion Peter Jackson tackled The Lord of the Rings with. Based on the character Robert E. Howard (Creator of Conan the Barbarian), Solomon Kane is a classic action, fantasy horror experience made with meticulous craft, amazing actors and a solid script. While it's somewhat formulaic due to the character's origins, I think it still an awesome ride with a great character ark, fun monster and action scenes, and a great lead performance. 14. Sherlock Holmes [Dir. Guy Ritchie]After RocknRolla fully returned Guy Ritchie to his British crime/action/comedy success, a year later he started his trend of blockbuster filmmaking with this engaging adaptation of the classic detective. While primarily focused on delivering action; this RDJ and Jude Law led film still captures the essence of Holmes in intelligence, wit and inclination to madness. Mark Strong makes a meal out of a relatively background villain and Rachel McAdams is a fun femme fatale. It's a really fun, pretty clever and perfectly constructed action mystery: so, let's hope that eventual 3rd film is any good. 13. Antichrist [Dir. Lars Von Trier]From the genuinely disturbed mind of Lars Von Trier comes his controversial take on a horror film. Antichrist is in no way a pleasant film, it's disturbing, graphic, sexual and haunting in ways you can only experience. While eerily beautiful and well crafted, there's no denying it as a love or hate experience. Its minimalist story gives way to themes of grief, anxiety, sex, femininity, evil, religion and nature in ways that are provocative must more intelligent than similar disturbing films like The Human Centipede. Its two leads are magnificent, it's crafted like Francis Bacon painting and will not leave your psyche. 12. 2012 [Dir. Roland Emmerich]The disaster movie to end all disaster movies, 2012 is Roland Emmerich testament to the genre. An epic about the world ending, a global conspiracy and average people caught in the mayhem are tunes we've heard before-but never quite like this. The direction, audio, visual effects and cinematography to show the fictious Mayan apocalypse is a true spectacle to behold. While the characters are broad archetypes, and the story does follow a formula; we're here for amazing disaster scenes and you will get those. I honestly wish we could get more films like 2012 that are both of this quality and actually good nowadays. 11. Up [Dir. Pete Docter]Lauded as one of Pixar's best films-Up is a film that breaks your heart in the opening scene before building its entire thematic core as the aftermath to that. The story of an elderly man going on a long-desired adventure that involves a child hanger on, a dog and a giant bird-it earns its praise very much. It's beautifully animated and well staged, provides the right balance of emotional depth and excitement, and does make you laugh. It's still one of the studio's best for a reason and probably Pete Docter's masterwork. 10. Trick ‘r Treat [Dir. Michael Dougherty]While it took some years to get finally appreciated, Trick 'r Treat is modern Halloween classic. Michael Dougherty proves his abilities with this well made, scary and quite funny anthological horror film that captures the American holiday so well. It's a really fun ride, subverts many of the horror cliches and ends up being an excellent little film. Dougherty would continue his directing career with the very good Krampus and the blockbuster masterpiece Godzilla: King of the Monsters. 9. G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra [Dir. Stephen Sommers]Hasbro's second attempt at a big budget live action blockbuster franchise actually yielded really good results. Rise of Cobra is an addictively fun, exhilarating and entertaining action spectacle with epic scope. The tone is the right balance of tension and fun, the numerous set pieces rock and this is easily one of Stephen Sommers better films. The cast is clearly here to play, the narrative is appropriately ridiculous and all the cards for a franchise were there. Unfortunately, the sequel lost quite a bit of that scope and the reboot/prequel was just bad. But I can fully recommend you go back and watch this. 8. Inglourious Basterds [Dir. Quinten Tarantino]Tarantino's historically fictious take on World War 2 is a brilliant piece of suspense, dark humor, acting and cinema as a weapon against fascism. The director's fondness for exploitation cinema is very apparent in his work, but using films like Inglourious Basterds, Django Unchained or Once Upon a time in Hollywood to more or less "take a shot" as historical monsters is how you update that medium. The entire cast is in tune with Tarantino's script, with Christoph Waltz as the delightful villain being the standout. 7. Bronson [Dir. Nicolas Winding Refn]After getting out of bankruptcy, Nicolas Winding Refn reset his career with Bronson. This low budget, darkly comedic work based on Britain's most violent inmate is an addictively watchable piece of filmmaking. From Tom Hardy's amazing performance, to the unique execution (visuals, editing and music) to the bizarre tone and overall sense of a character letting their alter-ego take over: it's a near masterpiece. While Refn saw his biggest success in 2011's Drive, he still owes that to this very unique entry in British crime cinema. If you haven't seen it, fix that. 6. Moon [Dir. Duncan Jones]Duncan Jones fired out an instant hit. Moon reminds me of classic 70's sci-fi like Silent Running or Solaris. A film virtually comprised entirely of Sam Rockwell's best performance in a psychological sci-fi experience about loneliness, capitalism and anything else you want to read into this malleable work. The CGI and practical effects are amazing, the direction is nigh flawless and the claustrophobic story is perfect. Seek this modern classic out. 5. Avatar (Extended Cut) [Dir. James Cameron] 12 years after Titanic became the biggest film ever, James Cameron released the NEW biggest film of all time. This motion capture, CGI fueled action spectacle still remains one of the best blockbuster experiences of the modern era. While the anti-colonial/pro-environmental themes and narrative are fairly stock standard: there's no denying that Cameron can write it well and directs it efficiently. Even with all the digital tools at his disposal, he directs the action clearly and realistically. The extended cut also adds more scenes and richness to this universe, so it's the superior version. I still think we've yet to achieve another blockbuster of this visionary scope and scale, even the Marvel films have yet to reach it. 4. The Secret in Their Eyes [Dir. Juan José Campanella]This Argentinian thriller is a near transcendent film experience. It's a crime drama that truly wants to dig into the darkness of its criminals and investigators that many Western materials never dare to. The narrative structure and execution is quite brilliant, with an amazingly shot stadium sequence and the conclusion being the highlights of the film. There was a terrible Hollywood remake in 2015, but that doesn't stop this from being on the best films of the year and a must watch for any cinephile. 3. The Hurt Locker [Dir. Kathryn Bigelow]This film acts as a kind of abridged version of the mid-2000s war on terror in the Middle East. While not the most realistic military film, The Hurt locker captures the raw nerves and mindset it takes for people to be in that environment. Director Kathryn Biglow completely re-invents her 90's action blockbuster style for the modern era in a gritty, tense and sometimes haunting war story. A lot of that comes down to the cast, primarily Jeremy Renner and Anthony Mackie. This isn't the story about soldiers saving people in a glorious battle, it's about the men who have to a dirty job that can get them killed. It's honestly one of the best war films ever made and Bigelow's follow up with Zero Dark Thirty is even better. 2. Watchmen (Ultimate Cut) [Dir. Zack Snyder]After directing the hit film 300, Zack Snyder set about adapting the "un-adaptable" Watchmen graphic novel by Alan Moore. And I think he succeeded in not only bringing enough of that story to life through directly pulling dialogue from the comic, but also achieving a pure auteur vision onto itself. I'm not going to lie, the opening credits are their own beautiful piece of work that make me cry every time. Watchmen is one of the great visual achievements in filmmaking history, along with having a classic story to work from and a great cast that I think brings to life the dark story. Jacke Earl Haley is one of the great comic book performances as Rorschach and Billy Crudup's Dr Manhattan is truly eerie. While many have their disagreements about the film, I still maintain that this is Snyder's best film. The Ultimate Cut is the best version as it not only includes the Director's Cut, but the Black Freighter comic book storyline from the graphic novel wonderfully realized in animation and Gerard Butler's narration. I believe we genuinely won't have a closer adaptation to Alan Moore's masterpiece in our lifetime. 1. District 9 [Dir. Neil Blomkamp]Director Neill Blomkamp and producer Peter Jackson tried to make a Halo movie, but the plans fell through due to disagreements with Microsoft. Remaining one of the great unmade video game films like Gore Verbinski's Bioshock, Scott Derrickson's Deus Ex: Human Revolution and John Woo's Metroid. But, not wanting their partnership or production abilities to flounder; the duo set about adapting Blomkamp's short film Alive in Joburg. And it remains one of the great science fiction films of the 21st century.
The story is about an alien ship that has come to Johannesburg South Africa, with sickly drone aliens forced to live in slums by the government. Things are at an uneasy peace until Sharlto Copley's Wikus sets into motions a series of discoveries and violent actions. The film is ultimately a condemnation of the apartheid many South Africans lived under, a colonialist and racist segregation policy that lasted from the 1940's to 1990s. But it does this, whiel also giving us a new type of alien "invasion" story and truly graphic sci-fi action film. Something that has set Neill Blomkamp out from his contemporaries is his depictions of violence, where bodies are exploded and torn apart with weight, horror and sometimes humor. He's carried it in all his follow ups like Elysium, Chappie and Demonic: but District 9 showed the world his brand of violence for the first time. And without this film, we wouldn't have the truly great actor that is Sharlto Copley: a near Gary Oldman chameleon talent who should be in more big films. District 9 is a reminder that sci-fi films don't have to be safe, that they're best used for exciting stories that reflect reality and history, and that genre films are not disposable nonsense. District 9 far outpaces Oscar bait works like The Blind Side or Precious of that same year. District 9 is still the best film of 2009 and one of the greatest pieces of sci-fi storytelling ever made.
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Written by Tyrone Bruinsma Dishonorable Mentions: -Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel [Dir. Betty Thomas] -The Blackout [Dir. Robert David Sanders] -The Blind Side [Dir. John Lee Hancock] -The Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day [Dir. Troy Duffy] -Darfur [Dir. Uwe Boll] -Deadline [Dir. Sean McConville] -The Devil’s Tomb [Dir. Jason Connery] -Dread [Dir. Anthony DiBlasi] -G-Force [Dir. Hoyt Yeatman] -Giallo [Dir. Dario Argento] -Horsemen [Dir. Jonas Akerlund] -I Am Here... Now [Dir. Neill Breen] -Imagine That [Dir. Karey Kirkpatrick] -Knowing [Dir. Alex Proyas] -The Land that Time Forgot [Dir. C. Thomas Howell] -The Last House on the Left [Dir. Dennis Iliadis] -Legend of the Bog (Assault of Darkness) [Dir. Brendan Foley] -Lies and Illusions [Dir. Tibor Takács] -The Lovely Bones [Dir. Peter Jackson] -The Lucky Dragon [Dir. Meisheng + Tamara McDaniel] -Malibu Shark Attack [Dir. David Lister] -Mega Shark Versus Giant Octopus [Dir. Jack Perez] -Obsessed [Dir. Steve Shill] -Open Graves [Dir. Álvaro de Armiñán] -Paintball [Dir. Daniel Benmayor] -Paul Blart: Mall Cop [Dir. Steve Carr] -Princess of Mars [Dir. Mark Atkins] -Run! Bitch Run! [Dir. Joseph Guzman] -Shorts [Dir. Robert Rodriguez] -The Soloist [Dir. Joe Wright] -Staunton Hill [Dir. George C. Romero] -Transmorphers: Fall of Man [Dir. Scott Wheeler] -2012: Supernova [Dir. Anthony Fankhauser] -Twilight: New Moon [Dir. Chris Weitz] -Underworld: Rise of the Lycans [Dir. Patrick Tatopoulos] -The Unborn [Dir. David S. Goyer] -The Uninvited [Dir. The Guard Brothers] -Vacancy 2: The First Cut [Dir. Eric Bross] -Whiteout [Dir. Dominic Sena] -Wrong Turn 3: Left for Dead [Dir. Declan O'Brien] 10. X-Men Origins: Wolverine [Dir. Gavin Hood]After the disappointing X-Men: The Last Stand, people were hoping a solo origin film about the most popular X-Man would be a refreshing start for the franchise. Instead, it was one of the worst reviewed films in this mostly lackluster series. While Hugh Jackman and the rest of the cast are clearly giving it their all; the story is awash in cliches and contradictions within the series that fans spat out. All the action scenes are average at best, with the CGI often looking worse than the prior films. It’s basically a $150 million version of a bad comic book, anime or 80s action film. The biggest criticism is the intentional butchering of Ryan Reynolds’ Deadpool, who wouldn’t be treated properly on screen for 7 years. The best part of this film is the video game adaptation being a more comic authentic, ultra-violent and addictive hack and slash experience. 9. Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li [Dir. Andrzej Bartkowiak]Bless the team behind this film, because they were trying to make a good film here. They didn’t succeed-but there was effort. Making a film about Chun Li in the Street Fighter universe is a great choice, it could’ve worked as “What if James Bond was a bad ass Chinese woman”. But instead, they tried to go for a crime story with the tone of Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, and the look/narrative structure of 2007’s Transformers. Considering they were attempting that kind of ambition with only a 3rd of Michael Bay’s budget and a truly terrible script: it was only logical it would fail. Terrible dialogue plagues the entirety of the film, with the mature aimed story feeling like a toddler’s bedtime story. Many of the roles are miscast or poorly played, with Kristin Kreuk as Chun Li giving a mostly flat performance and Neal McDonough being just a bizarre entity. I will admit I liked the late Michael Clarke Duncan as Balrog and Josie Ho as Catana, the latter of which is handled well enough as a non-straight character through visual filmmaking. Unfortunately, the action is poor, the storyline is cliche and hollow and the attempts to ape better projects just lets it all down. 8. The Final Destination [Dir. David R. Ellis]While the Final Destination franchise was never the strongest (1 and 5 are the best), they were always fun or made with craft. This 3D focused one sadly didn't live up to the prior films thanks to largely uninteresting kills and bad CGI/3D effects. There is one memorable kill involving suction in a pool, but only by virtue of how silly it is, the rest are just boring. It's a shame because the late director David R. Ellis made the incredibly memorable wood truck opening scene from Final Destination 2 and other films like Snakes on a Plane and Shark Night 3D. Sadly, this is the weakest of a promising, if gimmicky franchise. 7. Sorority Row [Dir. Stewart Hendler]A remake of 1982’s The House on Sorority Row, this film is a bad remake and a bad modern slasher. The original film was an admirable slasher that mostly copied the recent Friday the 13th films for its plot, while 2009’s Sorority Row copies…I Know What You Did Last Summer…a film that was 12 years old at the time. I would’ve rather they’d copied the story from the original film that had some novelty, but instead we get an asinine and formulaic film that feels like it’s from the late 90’s. I will say that the cinematography by Ken Seng (Deadpool, Terminator: Dark Fate) is well done, and that actresses Jamie Chung and the late Carrie Fisher did a decent job. But considering this came out the same year as The Collector, My Bloody Valentine 3D, Triangle and Friday the 13th-Sorority Row is just a pathetic slasher. And unfortunately, director Stewart Hendler would go on to make other lacking works including Halo 4: Forward Unto Dawn and the 2016 Max Steel movie. 6. The Descent Part 2 [Dir. Jon Harris]The original The Descent is a masterpiece of horror: scary, claustrophobic and narratively brilliant. So why many of the same filmmakers felt a need to make a pointless sequel to the non-canon American ending bewilders me. The film is largely a worse looking, less scary, narratively worthless retread of the first film. There’s only one interesting implication in this film and it comes right at the end, after all the nonsense. It’s worse made, an insult to the original and I wish Neill Marshal would make a 3rd film to retcon this out of existence. 5. Land of the Lost [Dir. Brad Silberling]A high concept sci-fi comedy with Will Ferrel and dinosaurs? Sounds fun. In reality, this is easily one of the worst comedies with this level of possibilities. While I will admit the film is mostly well crafted in terms of filmmaking, there’s an inconsistency to the use of practical and CGI effects that feels like it couldn’t decide if it was a tribute or elevation of the 70’s show it's based on. So, while there’s a few fun moments, it’s a largely humorless and childish film that feels like it would only suit stoners. It also has the uncomfortable distinction of having Matt Lauer, so there’s that. Unfunny, inconsistent, unfocused on its goals and largely feeling like a waste of $100 Million. 4. The Pink Panther 2 [Dir. Harald Zwart]...Remember when Steve Martin used to be funny? Because this movie will make you question if he was ever funny. Here's a film whose writing is so cringey and cliche that you'd expect it made for children, but contains sexist and racist jokes that even though the film thinks is technically bad-thinks is still funny. The first film was an average experience, but this one was far worse despite a solid cast and the future director of the solid 2010 Karate Kid remake. Then again he did also direct that Mortal Instruments movie you forgot exist so...yeah. But yeah, bad comedy, bad story, bad writing, bad lead performance and it made me cringe. 3. Dragonball Evolution [Dir. James Wong]The infamously terrible American Dragonball film adaptation is exactly as bad as you remember. A cheap $30 Million dollar production that poorly adapted characters like Goku and Piccolo into piss-poor imitations of those larger-than-life characters. The action scenes resemble James Wong’s prior bad action film The One instead of Dragonball, with the comedy being worthless. The story itself is poorly explained and barely follows the manga or anime, reducing the source material’s value to references. I will say I think Chow Yun-fat is good casting as Master Roshi…but he’s not playing Master Roshi. I also think the female cast including Emily Rossum, Jamie Chung (2nd time on this list) and Eriko Tamura are doing the best with the material they have. But our lead actor is severely miscast and out of his depth, and the whole project feels like a slightly more expensive version of the terrible Turbo Power Rangers film. There’s only like one kinda cool shot in this film, with most of it just looking ugly. If this was a generic fantasy martial art film, it would still be bad. But when directly tied to Dragonball and with acknowledgement from the film’s writer that it sucks-yeah, it’s easily one of the worst adaptations ever made. 2. Old Dogs [Dir. Walt Becker]Idk how I can get a paragraph out this. It's just not funny. Nothing about this is funny. There's nothing good here and it's easily one of the worst comedies ever, as well as one of the worst films Disney ever produced. What else can I say? John Travolta talks to pre-teens about Friday the 13th films. Seth Green gets a gold ball in the nuts. Robin Williams gets an embarrassing tattoo. No story happens. It sucks. 1. After Last Season [Dir. Mark Region]But out of all the films from 2009, this is the bottom of the barrel. Every prior film can be purported to be a finished, completed and semi-competent film. After Last Season cannot be truly classed as a film, but technically counts. This is an infamously bad film that has yet to break the “so bad it’s good” realm of The Room, Birdemic or Troll 2 due to its obscurity and being just truly bad. The plot of After Last Season is incomprehensible, on top of being slow and nonsensical. It involves a serial killer, doctors, dreams and basically feels like a high school student film stretched out to feature length. But the film actually cost $5 Million, shooting taking place over less than a week in a single house with 35mm film and apparently a bunch of money spent on terrible looking computer animation. I’m not saying the director probably took a bunch of that money but considering how cheap the film is-I’ve no idea where the money went on screen. The medical equipment looks like it's built with paper and tape, patients explain their diagnosis to doctors, dialogue sounds bizarre, and it feels like it was made by an alien with no money. For context, Birdemic: Shock and Terror was made for $10’000, Sharknado was made for $2 Million and Paranormal Activity was made for only about $15’000. Even Birdemic has better effort into storytelling, acting, effects and production values than this trash heap. After Last Season is the ultimate guide to how not to make a film. It’s awful, unwatchable and only worth viewing by those who crave seeing trash. It’s far and away the worst film of 2009.
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Tyrone BruinsmaThis is the Official Blog/Magazine for filmmaker, writer and content producer Tyrone Bruinsma Categories
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